300- The Story of Hardcore Bad Asses Killing Persians

If you don't see this movie you have never had any contact with any sort of testosterone in your entire life. Seriously; this movie rocks so hard that it make Braveheart (one of my all time favorites) look like a book club meeting with a Brownie troop. It is so freaking hard core it starts with the good guys throwing babies off of a cliff... There OWN babies. Starting to see the picture?

Okay let’s get the junk out of the way. This is a movie about 300 Spartan who stood against the epic armies of the Persian empire (apparently the Iranians are all up in arms about this because it portrays them as heartless, killing machines that fight for a false god; and would rather destroy your society rather than let it not believe the same way as them. I guess I can see why they would be so out of joint about that it is really off base... Oh wait that pretty much describes them to a tee. So fuck them) in an abject lesson to the Persians and to the armies of Greece that some things are worth dyeing for. This movie has something for everyone. There is:

1. Romance
2. Love
3. Sex
4. Intrigue
5. Betrayal
6. Drugged out teen age girls who are sex slaves to freaky gimps
7. Armor platted rhinos
8. Enough arrows to literally block out he sun
9. Gutting a political leader
10. Consented Rape (that doesn't make sense until you see it then..)
11. Gay Iranians
12. Really, really gay Iranians

The list goes on and on but suffice to say the only thing this movie is missing is space ships and frankly they didn't really need them in the end.


Now I would like to preface this by saying "I don't want to sound like a queer or something... BUT those Spartans were totally freaking ripped." Seriously I looked at those guys and all I wanted to do was wash my clothes on those adds. These guys were ripped beyond belief. Not body builder ripped but hard core work ripped like all guys would like to be and all woman want to get there hands on. No joke I went with my lesbian friend Kim and the first thing she said during the movie to me was "I’d fuck that guy and that guy and that guy....". Seriously these guys had to work out for four months to get this ripped; check out their work out regiment: http://joshsgarage.typepad.com/articles/2006/11/frank_miller_mo.html
The last thing I'll say on this subject is this... if I had to work that hard to look that buff (and you do) I will always be a doughy middle aged married guy who would rather walk to the fridge than run anywhere.


The style of the movie is totally cool; dark and dreamy and right off of the pages of the comic book (sorry geeks "Graphic Novel"). The action was so freaking cool and fresh it was like the first time you saw Matrix. It was filmed with that ultra high-speed film so you see every grain of sand and every drop of blood. Okay I got to it BLOOD. This movie was bathed in it. It was born from it and it freaking rocks. Don't be afraid of it. Enjoy it for what it is. If you are scared buy a dog.

If it sounds like I am in love with this movie... I am. If you don't fall in love with this movie you are obviously one of those art Nuevo guys who drinks vanilla latte's and enjoys Jerry Lewis movies; that's right you are French.


RUN SEE THIS MOVIE
Out of a Six pack I give it a case!!