The Bolton Review

You Big Cry Baby!!!

2007-09-02T13:51:00.000-06:00

More reviews coming soon stop being such a cry baby!!

Bourne Ultimatum

2007-08-03T08:45:00.000-06:00

Let’s just start of like this: The Bourne Ultimatum (BU) was much better than The Bourne Supremacy (BS). It however was not better than the Bourne Identity (BI). Now that being said I would like to take a few moments to address the director of this movie… uh hum… here it goes: Some one in post production should have mentioned to you that the hand held camera, super close up running and jerking all over the place shooting of this movie that lasted 10 minutes at a crack is FUCKING ANNOYING!! Hey jerk-off if you film like that; try only using it for effect and not as an overall technique. When you make the audience PUKE it takes away from the overall experience. Its filming felt a lot like the opening credits of Seven. It was very jerky, really quick cuts to slightly different angles, a little static-ee/ grainy; and it really detracted from the movie. Very distracting. It was one of those things that I had to go home and re-watch BI to see if I had had a stroke in the last few years that I was unaware of that I might have forgot all of the cool hand held camera work from the original. As it turns out not so much; they had used a little bit kind of as a devise to obtain a feel (very cool concept) or set a mood inside of the movie. I am sorry for ranting on this but it was very distracting. You know eff that; all of that hand cam bunk really took away from a movie that was pretty darn good otherwise. Paul Greengrass take a note: there was too much hand cam stuff in the Supremacy and you doubled it in Ultimatum; watch Doug Liman’s version and learn how to punctuate not litter.

Okay I think I extracted that demon. The rest of the movie was really pretty darn good. The story was much more complete that BS and easier to follow and as an even better bonus it made sense. Frankly I am a big fan of just make sense. You can twist and turn and even throw in a full on curve ball from time to time but at the end have it all come together and make sense. This movie did all of those things and was able to have a really great feel of symmetry with the original movie. It tied up enough loose ends so that if you closed down the franchise right now It would feel very complete and satisfying. But, if they decided to continue you would not be upset by that either.

A couple of good things in this sucker:

Picking up right where BS left off (very good)
Julia Stiles was hot (Me-yow)
Gritty very real locations (spending the extra dough to shoot it Spain, Tangiers... worth it!)

Matt Damon was smoken hot (my wife made me put that in)
Very real feeling counter-surveillance
Great fight in a bathroom

Beating someone to death with a hard cover book [(yes please) go to web site, go to media and select #6]
Super foot chase
Wicked sweet motorcycle chase
Totally awesome car chase (are you sensing a chase theme)

Julia Stiles new short hair cut HOT (my wife even thought that was hot... gigity gig)
Amazing disregard for the well being of a NY city police car (go to the web site, go to media, select #8)
Real NY city resident reaction to car chase (hey you see that freaking car go flying through the air… lets get a bagel)

Did I mention Julia Stiles
http://www.thebourneultimatum.com/

I already discussed the bad from this so… out of a six pack I would give it a 4 beers

Superbad: Super Hysterical

2007-08-02T22:34:00.000-06:00

In spite of the most dick jokes ever or maybe because of them Superbad was Super Hysterical!! Jonah Hill (Seth), Michael Cera (Evan) and Christopher Mintz-Please (Fogell / McLoven) gave some really terrific performances as three intrepid high school students trying to fit in, party and to get laid. Seth Rogen (Officer Michaels) could very well be one of the funniest humans alive right now. He plays along with Bill Hader two of the weirdest, lamest, coolest cops on the history of cinema.

Superbad was worth the $20 you gonna pay to see it or, the $40 you’ll spend if you take a date. $20 you say $40 you say what theater you are seeing movies at dip shit…. (Screw you). You will spend that much because you will have to see this movie twice to pick up the other half of the movie you laugh over. It was pee your pants funny in parts; it was totally uncomfortable funny all the way through and, best of all it had real heart. The high school kids in this movie were kids (not bullshit 25 y.o.+ kids like in American Pie [which was funny too]) but, kids. They were the kids we went to school with; they were the kids we were and the kids we related to. Especially with all of the talk/dialog about booze, chicks, getting laid and oddly enough their dick and their buddies dick and all sorts of other body parts.

Just a few lines and scenes to whet you whistle:

"I had a pirate’s treasure of dick booty in that Ghost Busters lunch box…
"Take that fucking thing off you look like Aladdin…
Laundry detergent bottles full of beer
"My ex-wife opened me up… sexually. On our wedding night we had group sex; well shed did. I didn’t participate…
Burning a cop car to the ground with the cops watching
"I am McLoven"

I think in some way we are all McLoven

Run see this movie. The trailer isn’t even funny in comparison to the actual movie. One hint wear depends. One disclaimer it is a bit gross in parts but my wife laughed her ass off the entire movie so, don’t be afraid to take the old lady or your girl friend if the old lady won’t find out!

Out of a six pack I would give this a solid 5 beers! CHICKA-CHICKA YEA

300- The Story of Hardcore Bad Asses Killing Persians

2007-03-15T11:28:00.000-06:00

If you don't see this movie you have never had any contact with any sort of testosterone in your entire life. Seriously; this movie rocks so hard that it make Braveheart (one of my all time favorites) look like a book club meeting with a Brownie troop. It is so freaking hard core it starts with the good guys throwing babies off of a cliff... There OWN babies. Starting to see the picture?

Okay let’s get the junk out of the way. This is a movie about 300 Spartan who stood against the epic armies of the Persian empire (apparently the Iranians are all up in arms about this because it portrays them as heartless, killing machines that fight for a false god; and would rather destroy your society rather than let it not believe the same way as them. I guess I can see why they would be so out of joint about that it is really off base... Oh wait that pretty much describes them to a tee. So fuck them) in an abject lesson to the Persians and to the armies of Greece that some things are worth dyeing for. This movie has something for everyone. There is:

1. Romance
2. Love
3. Sex
4. Intrigue
5. Betrayal
6. Drugged out teen age girls who are sex slaves to freaky gimps
7. Armor platted rhinos
8. Enough arrows to literally block out he sun
9. Gutting a political leader
10. Consented Rape (that doesn't make sense until you see it then..)
11. Gay Iranians
12. Really, really gay Iranians

The list goes on and on but suffice to say the only thing this movie is missing is space ships and frankly they didn't really need them in the end.

Now I would like to preface this by saying "I don't want to sound like a queer or something... BUT those Spartans were totally freaking ripped." Seriously I looked at those guys and all I wanted to do was wash my clothes on those adds. These guys were ripped beyond belief. Not body builder ripped but hard core work ripped like all guys would like to be and all woman want to get there hands on. No joke I went with my lesbian friend Kim and the first thing she said during the movie to me was "I’d fuck that guy and that guy and that guy....". Seriously these guys had to work out for four months to get this ripped; check out their work out regiment: http://joshsgarage.typepad.com/articles/2006/11/frank_miller_mo.html
The last thing I'll say on this subject is this... if I had to work that hard to look that buff (and you do) I will always be a doughy middle aged married guy who would rather walk to the fridge than run anywhere.

The style of the movie is totally cool; dark and dreamy and right off of the pages of the comic book (sorry geeks "Graphic Novel"). The action was so freaking cool and fresh it was like the first time you saw Matrix. It was filmed with that ultra high-speed film so you see every grain of sand and every drop of blood. Okay I got to it BLOOD. This movie was bathed in it. It was born from it and it freaking rocks. Don't be afraid of it. Enjoy it for what it is. If you are scared buy a dog.

If it sounds like I am in love with this movie... I am. If you don't fall in love with this movie you are obviously one of those art Nuevo guys who drinks vanilla latte's and enjoys Jerry Lewis movies; that's right you are French.

RUN SEE THIS MOVIE
Out of a Six pack I give it a case!!

MI3 (Tom Cruise is still a Fag Butt...)

2006-05-25T17:48:00.000-06:00

The Latest installment in the Mission Impossible series is a 5 star (*****) go see this mother, movie. Seriously; if you are still reading this you are fucking nuts! I had some pretty major reservations about seeing this movie; especially after the MI 2 John Woo disaster and near destruction of this fun summer time franchise.

Real quick note on John Woo: What the fuck is with Woo? Okay; Replacement Killers was totally harsh and kick ass with a story that you could actually follow. Loved Replacements Killers! Then Came a series of shit ass crap over dramatic almost cartoon like crap monkeys, Face Off, Hard Target, Broken Arrow, MI2, Wind Talkers. The one thread through these movies besides the high suck factor, the totally un-understandable plot, the seemingly endless nonsescicle slow motion shots, and hero's that were totally unlike-able, were doves/pigeons There is always one moment in these piece of monkey mung movies where there is someone walking through shadows into a flock of doves/pigeons in SLOW MOTION!! I 100% believe that extended slow motions scenes are the tools of a SLOW minded director. How many slow MO moments were there in Raiders of the Lost Arc, Star Wars, Jaws, Starship Troopers..... Maybe 1 total. Get it? Think that is a coincidence. One set of movies sucks, one are all time classics. The funniest part of this is that John Woo only consulted on Replacement Killers. So basically if you want to see a shitty movie, Make sure you see a John Woo movie.

Now back to MI3..... So Tom Cruise is a total MO; or am I just high. See I believe that you watch movies based on how much you like the people in them and, I think Cruise is a total MO. That being said he rocks this movie. Even though whenever he is kissing a woman you can just tell he is pretty uncomfortable. You can tell he is thinking about the happy place (snuggled up with hot coco and his boy friend Pablo) Anyway he does rock this movie and even though he is a MO and has become totally bazaar he blew up my; you like him you watch him; theory. So do you think his wings make him look gay or is it his car? I can't decide, please let me know.

Bahar Smooekh is one totally hot piece of ass in this movie. I know she is coming out in at least two new movies SAW 3 and The Prince of Persia..... They sound like total suck feasts but I figure that if I wear my head-phones and don't wear any pants I should be great. (okay that was a little bit well.... Let's just drop that okay?!?)

Anyway the movie was awesome. The action was great. They had no issue with killing anyone, but the violence was a bit subdued. The stunts were great but there was only one scene that really felt like a stunt; if you know what I mean? So the suspension of disbelief was rocking the entire movie (except that Tom is into pussy). It was so intense that my feet were sweating like crazy by the end of the movie. I'm not sure what that means (maybe I want to make out with Tom or maybe the action was just that intense, either way..).

So to sum up go see this movie. Now! SERIOUSLY RUN RIGHT GOSH DARN NOW!!!!

I paid my money; I did my time... Or How King Kong (and Peter Jackson) fucked up a perfectly good weekend!

2006-01-10T19:30:00.000-07:00

So Maybe my blog title was too discriptive please continue read anyway; because usually when I get this worked up good things come of it.

Okay here it goes... My wife my good friend Kimmy and I had been talking about King Kong since we had first seen the trailer during one of our many movie outings. Let me say this we were a bit leery but, Peter Jackson had a lot of credit in the bank. The LOTR trilogy really is a high water point in Cinema. The movies were a little long but there was so much material to cover that we even had a Sunday marathon (okay a mega marathon) of all three extended versions of those movies. I admit that I have not watched any of the three of these again for over a year now. Maybe the bank was closing on that good will over a year ago after all. Where was I oh yeah trying to review a 3 1/2 week long monkey movie. I guess rambling is contagious. I guess that I have become a as bad of a monkey as King Kong sucked.

Okay lets get this ball rolling. I am gonna bullet point some things to make this more short and concise and easier to read and funnier and faster and (fuck see what I mean. That shit just seeps into you. Damn you PETER JACKSON)

King Kong Bullet Points

We all know the King Kong story. We could have skipped to Skull Island.
Peter Jackson decided to have 40 minutes in New York BEFORE THEY FUCKING LEFT to the Island
Was Fay Rey going to be a stripper? (did I miss something)
Did they have another 25 minutes on the boat on the way to the island? (okay dramatic license)
Slow motion privileges should be here by taken a way from Peter Jackson until further notice. (subtract slow-mo the movie was 98 minutes; which is still 13 minutes too long)
Didn't we know this story before it started? (he didn't even add anything about King Kong mother or Queen Kong)
Peter Jackson loves black people (not brown BLACK) like shoe polish black. Like ole' coal mammy BLACK
Random total violence seems to not be the answer to save a LOOOONG movie
Monkey was very cool very um... Monkey like
15 minute Fred Flinstone run/chase under the legs of mastodons. 3 minutes cool -15 minutes... Are we still running with dinosaurs? Really?
Disgusting bugs and shooting them with machine guns... Good. 10 minute long totally word-less bug fight with giant toothy vagina bugs... Not so good
T-Rex fight... Daddy like. Three T-Rex, 20 minute long bloodless monkey/lizard fight daddy confused and tired. Shouldn't a T-Rex bite wound on a 25 foot ape just rain blood. Did I miss something at ape medical class or in anthropology school. Isn't the T-Rex supposed to have the most devastating bights ever. Maybe a drop of blood on a mostly white nighty maybe.
We are now only 100 minutes into this epic struggle of monkey vs. Sanity.
juggling makes monkey laugh. 20 minute vaudeville act makes monkey sad
Did I mention slow mo
Capture Monkey takes Nearly Three Weeks (Film at eleven and the Wednesday the week after next.) In related news this three week monkey action takes only an hour and a half in some sort of strange Skull Island time warp... More to follow
Thank god not one minute of our intrepid voyagers on the return boat ride.
Action in New York moves very good kinda like a real action movie with giant monkey
Since when is Adrien Brody a hot dude. I would like to officially call Bull Shit. There is nothing symmetrical on his face he is scrawny. Nope full on Bull Shit.
Naomi Watts is hot but, a monkey whore. Look at that; I just blew a monkey; look on her face. Total monkey slut.
Monkey vs. Airplane. Monkey 3 airplanes 1. This is not a draw some planes flew home no monkeys did.
Jack Black is manic, funny exhausting and pretty good in a pseudo dramatic role.
Movie finally ends with tragic death of my faith in Peter Jackson 3 hours 7 minutes later.

Just a little advice to Peter Jackson:

Just because you can make a 3 hour long movie doesn't mean you have to. The original movie was 1 hour 40 minutes. The restored was 1 hour 44 minutes where on earth did you get an extra 90 minutes?
Don't ever listen to James Cameron that ass hole has flat lost his mind since he won his Oscar. So If you are looking for advise don't talk to him he will make you think it's okay to make a 3 hour Monkey movie. (smug as James Cameron; king of the world dick... Oh we get it the boat sinks blah, blah, blah)
Savages in black face went out in the thirties

Heed my warning Peter Jackson. Make good movies and only 3 hours long if the material requires it to be 3 hours. DON"T MAKE UP REASONS TO HAVE 3 HOUR MOVIES!

The Lion, The Witch and who gives a shit!

2005-12-22T23:52:00.000-07:00

I am a lover of movies and I generally enjoy about 80% of the movies that I go and see. That might even be a little conservative. I find a little something good in most of the movies I see. I might not go see them again but immediately after I see a movie I usually have a decent reaction. Well; let me tell you about The Lion, The Witch and the who gives a flying crapper. The first thing that came to mind was this movie is about 5 years too late. Had it come out before the Lord of the Ring trilogy It might have been pretty fresh and cool. Well; maybe that is overstating. My wife is telling me it would have been cool had it come out before but now you can't help but to compare it to LOR (thanks for the input honey). BUT had it come out before the LOR movies it still would have had a 1 hour and 20 minute lull in the middle of the movie that would have been a great time for a nap.

(What is making this an extra fun experience writing this review tonight is having my wife sitting here reading over my shoulder and correcting spelling, grammar and context for me while I write. If you have not had this experience I highly recommend it. Nothing is better for your soul than that. Thanks honey.)

Now where the fuck was I.... Oh yea anyway The Lion, the ...... (the saga with my wife continues even after she sat here and read my mini diatribe on her help. Now she is threatening me with biting off my fingers if I don't stop writing about her. Marage rocks. HUGE) now what was I writing about oh ponies. Right; now, ponies are really cool. I had one named Snowball once. It was really great. So basically don't go see the stupid movie no matter how much Jesus might want you to. Stay home and write something with your wife instead.

Domino... Domin-yes

2005-10-31T22:59:00.000-07:00

So I had been bugging my wife that we had to go see this movie ever since we had seen the preview before we saw "Kung-Fu Hustle" (which rocked!!). It finally came out and we were in D.C. and could not see this movie opening night or even opening weekend; not to worry, we got out this week and it was totally worth the wait. The action in this movie was amazing. The story was compelling, the cinematography was very unique, and Keira Knightley was hot. I mean the surface of the sun hot. I mean my wife was sitting there panting like a dog over her just as much as I was. And my wife has NO leanings in that direction (much to my dismay). We saw this in a theater with about 45 people and I swear to god the teperature went up 15 degrees. This was 85% due to the on the edge of your seat action and pacing of the movie, the other 15% was sexual tension. The movie had a very good sense of humor too.

The movie is a loose interpretation of a British born, American-made woman bounty hunter named Domino Harvey. Harvey, daughter of the late British actor Laurence Harvey and supermodel Paulene Stone, had led a tormented, eccentric existence. She ran a London dance club, worked as a ranch hand in San Diego, then became a "bail recovery agent," hunting fugitives and carrying a shotgun she called Betsy. A statuesque, 5-foot-9 blond, she seemed addicted to excitement, to adrenaline, as much as to cocaine and heroin.

I loved this movie. Please, go see it a s soon as you can.

The New Orleans Blues...

2005-10-07T00:53:00.000-06:00

New Orleans Blues Band lead guitar player, Bill Boudreux wrote this:

Been sitting here with my ass in a wad, wanting to speak out about the bullshit going on in New Orleans. For the people of New Orleans. First we would like to say, Sorry for your loss. With that said, Lets go through a few hurricane rules: (Unlike an earthquake, we know it's coming)

#1. A mandatory evacuation means just that... Get the hell out. Don't blame the Government after they tell you to go. If they hadn't said anything, I can see the argument. They said get out... if you didn't, it's your fault, not theirs. (We don't want to hear it, even if you don't have a car,you can get out.)

#2. If there is an emergency, stock up on water and non-perishables. If you didn't do this, it's not the government’s fault you're starving.

#2a. If you run out of food and water, find a store that has some. (Remember, shoes, TV's, DVD's and CD's are not edible. Leave them alone.)

#2b. If the local store is too looted of food or water, leave your neighbor's TV and stereo alone. (See # 2a) They worked hard to get their stuff. Just because they were smart enough to leave during a mandatory evacuation, doesn't give you the right to take their stuff... it's theirs, not yours.

#3. If someone comes in to help you, don't shoot at them and then complain no one is helping you. I'm not getting shot to help save some dumbass that didn't leave when told to do so.

#4. If you are in your house that is completely under water, your belongings are probably too far gone for anyone to want them. If someone does want them, let them have them and hopefully they'll die in the filth. Just leave! (For Christ's sakes, it's New Orleans, find a voodoo warrior and put a curse on them)

#5. My tax money should not pay to rebuild a 2 million dollar house, a sports stadium or a floating casino. Also, my tax money shouldn't go to rebuild a city that is under sea level. You wouldn't build your house on quicksand would you? You want to live below sea-level, do your country some good and join the Navy.

#6. Regardless what the Poverty Pimps Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton want you to believe, The US Government didn't create the Hurricane as a way to eradicate the black people of New Orleans; (Neither did Russia as a way to destroy America). The US Government didn't cause global warming that causedthe hurricane (We've been coming out of an ice age for over a million years).

#7. The government isn't responsible for giving you anything.

This is the land of the free and the home of the brave, but you got to work for what you want. McDonalds and Walmart are always hiring, get a damn job and stop spooning off the people who are actually working for a living. President Kennedy said it best... "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country."

Pappa Got a New Pair of Shoes

2005-10-04T23:00:00.000-06:00

So I've been playing tennis for over 25 years like I have mentioned previously. (Of course this make me want to kill myself but enough said on this for now) When I was younger shoes made no difference for me. I could play for hours and and hours if freaking flip flops and no ill effects. Well that shit is straight out the fucking window. I have had 5 knee surgeries. All sports related. Shoes are the corner stone of my game at this point. The older I get the more important they become. Racquets are fun to test drive and you can feel the difference between a good racquet and a great racquet but between the two is really hard to tell. Racquets hardly ever effect how you get out of bed for the next week though. Pamper your feet and they will take you far is what my grand-dad used to say (he was very pithy and loved those stupid kinds of puns; just annoying as hell when your 15; I'd shoot a nun to have just one more day with him and his silly jokes).

So here is the reviews for 5 different shoes.

1. I am a huge Adiddas fan. They just fit very well. And they wear lit no bodies business. The poster buy for these are the B49. If you can find these shoes buy them. As many in your size as you can find. You will wear out the padding before you can wear out the soles. I wore a pair for just over year. That's a minimum of 3 days of tennis per week. Ask anyone who is a hard court player a year of play like that is a ton. The problem is though fucking Adiddas stopped making these little gems. So my search began for a new replacement.

2. The K-Swiss Ultra Ascender is a pretty darn good shoe. It is fast ie: light. And they really hug you feet great. Problem- they wear out fast. I really look for at least 6 months out of a pair shoes. These guys are really good for only about 4. They started to have some serious sole separation after 2 1/2 months and were really gone at 4 months flat. I liked them a bunch though for comfort and speed. Just beware of longevity.

3. Adiddas barricade II- Too fucking narrow. I could not even get these laced with the tongue inside the shoe. They are really light. I mean just crazy light but, if you don't have at least C width feet don't even bother. I love Adiddas but not these Adiddas.

4. Didoras Rebound Ace- Please just shoot me in the foot next time and get it over with. I played exactly 1 game; not a set not a freaking match one game and, I was over it. I used to play in Didoras all of the time. NOT ANY MORE. These shoes were stiff and the arches were wrong and they fucked up my feet so bad I was still hurting more than a week later. Whoever designed these should be drug out into the street and beaten to death with a pair of these heave bastards. On a bright note they look pretty cool.

5. Prince T10-Yea baby!!! These are the poo. I mean it. They fit like a glove nice and snug.They are really fast. They have great outside of the foot support. They are reasonably light (only 1.5 ounces heaver than the K-Swiss). They look cool. The wear really good. My wife has been playing these for about 9 months and is just now looking for another pair. Go and buy them as soon as you can. They come in 3 different colors for men. And that many for the ladies too.

Now that you are armed with this little bit of knowledge go hit some balls damn it!!

By the way http://www.tennis-warehouse.com is THE place to get great prices on tennis stuff. They have really great costomer service to boot.

One last thing..... Prince where are my shoes bitches. That was a rousing endorsement. I wear a 12. Now send me my damn shoes!

New Shoes.... No Sleepy

2005-09-29T23:18:00.000-06:00

I will be posting some new infor in Tennis shoes soon (tomorrow or Saturday) but for tonight it is off to never never land. My wife and I just got back from 2 1/2 hours of tennis and I'm beat. Shoes tomorrow time for sleepy!!

Toe the Line...

2005-09-28T21:20:00.000-06:00

So last night I was in the line for Serenity and met some really interesting folks. I went up and talked to the first people in line just to see how long they had been waiting. She was a very nice gal who had been in line since 3:00 pm (movie started at 7:00) The guy behind her was a little put off by this because he had been first in line for the last dozen or so sci-fi movies. The funny thing about them is that the were Klingons (both of them). Let me repeat this for those who think they just had some sort of seizure....... KLINGONS. You know Star Trek looked like Romulans in the 60's grew some sort of turtle on their head in the 80's. You know Klingons! They are from the House VamPyr. The oldest continuous lineage house in the state of Colorado and, something like the third oldest Klingon house in the United States. How did I know they were Klingons you wonder? Well they gave me a business card (sorry you are still not having a seizure). Of course this makes sense because; you should have a business card to give that little extra bit of cool (damn that hurt my head just typing that). There is something very wrong about having cool and Klingon in the same paragraph (my brain bone hurts really bad). Let me give you a little taste of the Klingon Empire:

The VamPyr's belong to a Mysterious Klingon Family line called "The Family of Blood" after defeating an enemy in battle this family line has a ritual of drinking the blood of the vanquished in order to gain their life energy. Whether or not this is based in fact, most races including Klingons give the Vampyr a wide berth.

I could not make this up. It is on the back of the business card. Why do bad thing happen to good people (like me having that stuck in my skull for the rest of my life...... and now you) But wait there's more. Before I continue The Klingon people were really nice. I mean it; really nice. The have the Milehi convention coming up in October. The convention goes to support literacy programs so big props for them. Please visit there web site at http://www.milehicon.org/ . If you can't go to the convention send them a check you cheap bastards.

Now more brain damage. I was talking to couple of guys in line and they seemed pretty nice when they started chirping about how it was bush that we started our blogs just to see Serenity. Okay it may have been a little week but kiss my ass. Don't lay your crap on me man! Anyway; this dude starts chatting politics and sense I'm a Political Science major I always like to banter a little bit. This yoyo says to me that he is a Pro Choice, Anti Death penalty, Pro Gay marriage Republican. About that moment it felt like a nest of termites were trying to gnaw their way out of my head in all different directions. One more time "I'm a Pro Choice, Anti Death penalty, Pro Gay marriage Republican". Then doesn't that make you a Democrat? Why would you think like that and vote the exact opposite of what you believe? Dude from the line, if you read this..... You are a closet case, self loathing denial mongar. Don't reject who you are. Embrace it. That way maybe the thrombosis in my head will just cut loose and finish me off instead of having that dumb ass statement stuck in my head for god knows how long. Sitting. Waiting. Planning.

Serenity NOW!!!!!

2005-09-27T22:54:00.000-06:00

Well; I'm back from Serenity what a ride. I will try not to give up too much here. I will repost on Saturday after I have seen the movie for the third time...... So here it goes..... Holy Shit Batman that was freaking AWESOME. Not just good but AMAZING!! The movie was Serenity not Firefly not to say it was a complete departure from our beloved TV show. It was it's own complete movie; even non fans will enjoy this non (and I mean NON FREAKING) stop action packed movie. The movie goes into a bit of the back story of River and Simon (the Brother and Sister the the Firefly-Serenity picks up at the beginning of the TV series); and really helps to kick off the movie. The first ten minutes of the movie introduces the heroin, hero and bad guy. The "Bad Guy" is an extremely interesting character with an honor code that is completely intriguing. Driven, compelled, remorseless, relentless, and with no excuses or sadness for what he knows he is.

The action is spectacular. The acting is spot on. There were a couple of mildly wooden moments at the beginning. Kind of like old Army buddies getting together after a long time apart, just takes a minute for the rust to come off and then it's a well oiled machine. The jokes are as sarcastic and sardonic as ever. The pace of the movie is extremely fast but, is put together tighter than a nuns ass. The moments with the Reavers are truly terrifying. They make you jump out of your damn seat more than once. The story makes total sense out of why The Alliance is after River so relentlessly (which was something that was a little lacking in the series). The direction and camera work was remarkable. Joss Whedon is something truly marvelous. Brave and daring and true to his vision of the world where there are people who will do right just because it's right but, it's over crowded with people who will be herded around by mediocrity and even full on evil Bureaucracy. Also; for the final 15 minutes of this movie Joss has the biggest set of cast iron balls dragging on the ground behind him you could ever imagine. BRAVO. BRAVO. BRAVO.

10 out of 5 stars ********** if I wasn't going to get bored very quickly from typing stars I would go on and on. I plan on seeing this movie at least two more times in the theater. It is for sure already a top 3 sci-fi movie. Probably a top 5 movie overall and after it all has a chance to settle it could be 3 or 4 overall. Sprint to see this movie. If your date falls trying to keep up with you; fuck 'em. Leave 'em for the Goramm Reavers!!

http://www.serenitymovie.com/

http://www.serenitymovie.com/main_site.html

Greedo Shot First?

2005-09-26T22:12:00.000-06:00

So I know this guy who knows this guy who knows a rat and I saw a ripped copy of Revenge of the Sith. This in it’s self is not a big deal because every day movies get ripped off on the internet and I’m all for this but……. I find it extremely funny that the most insane sue happy, megalomaniacal, egomaniacal, security crazed, control freak, film franchise killing fuck-tard could get his stuff ripped off. Not some kind of cam with people standing up in the middle or coughing or some sort of weird theater laugh track; this is the DVD master copy taken from the talons of the beast himself. I have been a full on SW junkie for 30 years (well close enough to that) and seeing the things I have seen in my beloved series such as:

Greedo shooting first (did I miss something is that supposed to be a good thing)
Han Solo walking on Jaba the Hut (how did Jaba loose like 600 lbs and slither his wrinkled fat slug ass down to the Falcon’s hanger?)
An elephant sized creature that is covered from head to toe with floor length fur living on a planet with a mean average temperature of 185* and is covered in sand (what the hell would a herd of Banthas eat……. GRIT?)
Ewoks (please shoot me; no I mean it. Life is not worth living the more I think about a freaking Star Wars movie inhabited with teddy bears!)
Jar-Jar Binks (seriously; how he can walk down the street without an old Star Wars fan taking a bat to him is beyond me)
Some thing that drives with it’s feet saying fucking “POO DOO” (enough said)

So after all of these insults Me-sa think itsa funny thatsa Mista George-a got ripped off-sa. My official review of the DVD rip is this: Nice. Really, really nice. The quality was what you would expect from DVD. The copy I saw was played in a DVD player and not in a computer so that was handy. And the graphics were even sharper in the DVD format than I remembered in the theater. So when it comes out on video BUY IT. If someone you know, knows someone who knows someone else’s uncles, cousins, half brother that is willing to give you a rip of the DVD take it and remember that karma is a bitch for butt holes who okay putting Rastafarian salamanders into the best set of movies ever.

Is this what George looks like when he hears he got ganked?

Racquet Ready

2005-09-26T09:13:00.000-06:00

I have been playing tennis for about 25 years now. While the thought of that makes me want to throw myself in front of a bus or possibly do something more important with my life (as opposed to reviewing stuff and bitching on an internet BLOG) I would like to share some of my thoughts on equipment. The first thing when anyone thinks about tennis is racquets (freaking duh). Although I think shoes are the most important thing (trust me on this if you are just getting started playing competitive tennis) but racquets are 1A for sure. Digression is the the theme of this blog if you haven't gotten that yet please feel free to catch on now. Racquets are the coolest thing in tennis; the right racquet can make you feel like the god of thunder on the court or conversely the king of a mushroom patch. (I have no idea what that means but it can't be as good as the god of thunder for Christ sakes) Anyway, I have recently switched to play with the Prince Red O3 racquet. WOW. This is the most supple stick I have played with since I had to stop playing with wood ( mom caught me playing with wood and she forbid me from ever doing it again or else..... HELL). Seriously; wood had a great soft feel that allowed you to control shots and place the ball surgical. This racquet has all of those sweet attributes as well as being able to generate a lot of power. The O3 Red has a sweet spot that is almost 100% un-missable because of a new revolutionary design with giant holes all around the out side of the racquet head. The Red is a racquet I would not recommend for someone who is not so strong; not that you have to be Hercules but you need to generate some of your own pace with this racquet. It's the touch that makes it rock. Loads of spin. Tons of placement. It's a mid plus racquet about 105 cm head size so not like swinging a spare tire that you can't miss the ball with so not 100% for beginners. But I would highly recommend this Racquet. (Go on... Get it) http://www.princetennis.com/product/product_detail.asp?Product=1185

If you have a specific stick you want me to swing and give you an honest opinion of how it is leave a post for me and I will contact you directly to set it up. GO HIT SOME BALLS!!

Serenity!! Opens this Friday the 30th

2005-09-25T15:16:00.000-06:00

Joss Whedon, the Oscar® - and Emmy - nominated writer/director responsible for the worldwide television phenomena of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE, ANGEL and FIREFLY, now applies his trademark compassion and wit to a small band of galactic outcasts 500 years in the future in his feature film directorial debut, Serenity. The film centers around Captain Malcolm Reynolds, a hardened veteran (on the losing side) of a galactic civil war, who now ekes out a living pulling off small crimes and transport-for-hire aboard his ship, Serenity. He leads a small, eclectic crew who are the closest thing he has left to family –squabbling, insubordinate and undyingly loyal.

BLOG for free tickets

2005-09-25T14:45:00.000-06:00

I started this blog for one specific reason...... GET FREE FIRE FLY TICKETS. Mission accomplished. I am a HUGE (6' 1" 255 lbs.) Firefly fan and have always wanted to have my own blog so in a cosmic way it was kind the perfect storm. I thought my chances of getting these tickets were thinner that a super model on a month long bulimic bender but in the end it all worked out. I will be posting a brief synopses of the movie on my next post and I will also be reviewing the movie Tuesday night after I see the movie. I am a big movie buff. Basically they are my favorite thing and sci-fi just rocks. For a quick review of my opinion of some movies just to establish a base line 1)Star Wars-rocked 2) Empire Strikes Back-rocked 3)Return of the Jedi-the madness begins... 4)Phantom Menace-um okay... What's with the talking frog 5)Attack of the Clones- what the fuck! 6) Revenge of the Sith-nice come back but does not make up for episodes Six(VI), One(I) and Two(II). And just by the way Starship Troopers was a better movie that all three of those Star Wars movies combined.